no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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