nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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