I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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