I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
