I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
