you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
