I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
