Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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