I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
