Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
