okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
