Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
