yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
