So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
