jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
