Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
