I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
