when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I party with great urgency now.
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