you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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