are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
