I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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