my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
