Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
