I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
