I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
