I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You smell like stripper and shame
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
