My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
