Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
