Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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