you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
