So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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