I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
