GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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