"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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