are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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