but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize