Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Plan B is the new Plan A
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
