look no pants
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
