Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
