He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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