On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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