i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
