Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
COCAINE IS GR8
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
