She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
birth control should be required to get into college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
