you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize