He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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