Do you still have your period?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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