So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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