I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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