So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
