You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
