it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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