I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
