I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize