jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
