so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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