Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize