Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
