i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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