I want to have your abortion
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
