I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
