I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
