Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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