What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize