Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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