Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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