after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
