so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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