Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
