Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
