White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
