Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are we still banned from the library?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
