Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
someone owes me an orgasm
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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