Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize