maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
