So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
