just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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