So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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