i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
