I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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